Failing Your Way Out: Why It’s Okay to Fall Apart While Leaving a Narcissist
Leaving a narcissist isn’t a clean break. It’s not one dramatic “mic drop” moment where you slam the door, strut off in stilettos, and never look back. (If it was, Hollywood would’ve made a whole franchise about it by now.)
The truth? Leaving is messy. You’ll stumble. You’ll backslide. You’ll answer texts you swore you wouldn’t. You might even go back a few times. And that doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.
Failure Is Part of Freedom
When you’ve been conditioned to doubt yourself, abandon your needs, and cling to crumbs, “failing” is inevitable. You’re trying to rewire habits carved deep into your nervous system. Of course you’ll trip on the way out.
Think of it this way: failure isn’t the opposite of leaving—it’s part of leaving. Every time you fall, you learn something about where the cracks are, what triggers you, and what you need to build stronger next time.
The Backslide Is Not the End
So you texted them back. Or agreed to meet up. Or believed (again) that this time will be different. You know what that makes you? Someone still learning. Not someone doomed.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress. And progress sometimes looks like two steps forward, one gut-wrenching step back.
Beating Yourself Up Helps No One
The narcissist already did a number on you. Don’t pile on by becoming your own abuser. Instead of, “I’m pathetic, I’ll never get out,” try, “Okay, that didn’t work. What can I do differently next time?” That shift in language is power.
The Win Is In the Leaving
Eventually, the slip-ups get fewer. The “maybe just one more chance” moments lose their shine. You stop romanticizing the highs and start craving actual peace.
And one day, you realize: the failing was never failure. It was training. Training you to see through the lies, to trust your gut, to recognize that freedom doesn’t require flawless exits.
The Truth
You don’t have to leave perfectly. You just have to leave. And even if it takes ten tries, every single one is a step closer to the life you actually deserve.
