Reclaiming YES After Narcissistic Abuse
When you’ve lived in the grip of a narcissist, your “yes” stopped being yours a long time ago. You said yes to their moods, yes to their whims, yes to endless shifting goalposts. And every time you did, you said no to yourself.
That’s the cruelest trick of narcissistic abuse: it convinces you that your needs are negotiable, that your boundaries are flexible, and that love is about self-abandonment. So when you finally leave, even the word “yes” feels loaded. Can you trust it? Can you trust yourself?
Here’s the truth: yes isn’t the problem. Who and what you give it to is.
The Old YES: How Narcissists Weaponize Compliance
With a narcissist, “yes” is survival.
Yes, I’ll cancel my plans to keep you happy.
Yes, I’ll forgive the unforgivable.
Yes, I’ll contort myself to avoid conflict.
It’s not really a yes—it’s a trap. Because in that world, saying no sparks punishment. Silence. Rage. Gaslighting. So you learn to surrender your voice.
But what looks like agreement on the outside is erasure on the inside. And by the time you realize it, you don’t just resent them—you barely recognize yourself.
The New YES: A Radical Act of Self-Loyalty
Recovery means flipping the script. Saying yes becomes an act of rebellion—not to them, but for you.
Yes to rest, without guilt.
Yes to therapy, healing, or journaling.
Yes to joy, even if it feels undeserved.
Yes to taking up space.
At first, it feels selfish. You’ve been conditioned to believe your worth is tied to service. But saying yes to yourself is not selfish—it’s sanity. It’s proof you’re reclaiming your life.
The Awkward Beginning
Here’s the part no one talks about: saying yes to yourself feels weird at first. Like putting on an outfit you don’t think you can pull off.
The first time you decline a call to protect your peace? Guilt gnaws at you. The first time you spend money on something just for you? You’ll hear their voice in your head calling you irresponsible. That’s not proof you’re doing it wrong. That’s proof you’re undoing their programming.
Healing isn’t about feeling confident right away. It’s about doing it anyway.
Practical Ways to Start Saying YES
Yes to your body. Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re tired. Move because it feels good, not because you “should.”
Yes to your boundaries. No is a full sentence—but so is yes. Yes, I want this. Yes, I don’t want that.
Yes to your dreams. That class you’ve been putting off? The trip you thought you didn’t deserve? Say yes. Even if it’s scary. Especially if it’s scary.
Yes to joy. Laughter, music, sunlight, dogs, dancing in your kitchen. Joy is medicine. Stop rationing it.
Why This YES Matters
Every yes to yourself is a rejection of their control. Every yes is a stitch in the fabric of your new life.
The old you said yes because you were afraid. The new you says yes because you’re free.
And here’s the best part: the right people don’t just respect your yes—they celebrate it. Because when you start saying yes to yourself, you attract relationships, opportunities, and love that don’t require your self-destruction as the entry fee.
The Truth
Leaving a narcissist is about more than walking away from them. It’s about walking back toward yourself. And that starts with a single word: yes.
Yes to your healing.
Yes to your peace.
Yes to your worth.
The old yes kept you trapped. The new yes sets you free.
