When the Dream No Longer Serves You

Written By Jennifer Liebel

We all build dreams in relationships. Dreams of who our partner could become. Dreams of the life we’ll build together. But sometimes, those dreams don’t serve us — they hold us hostage.

The Double Grief

Ending a relationship means grieving twice. You grieve the person as they are, and you grieve the dream of who you thought they’d be. That’s why it feels so heavy, like carrying two losses at once.

Choosing Yourself

The turning point comes when you decide the dream isn’t enough. You stop holding on to “what could be” and start building a life around “what is.” You realize that love can’t be forced, and someone’s potential is not your responsibility to wait for.

Rebuilding from Here

When you put down the dream, your hands are finally free to build something real. You reclaim the energy you poured into waiting and redirect it toward yourself — your healing, your rediscovery, your joy.

✨ Takeaway: You deserve a love that exists now, not just in your imagination. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop carrying the dream and start living your life.

Jennifer Liebel

I’m Jenny Liebel, founder of Heal, Not Deal, a space dedicated to supporting survivors of narcissistic abuse as they reclaim their voices, rebuild their confidence, and rediscover their sense of self.

After walking through my own experience with the Jekyll-and-Hyde reality of narcissistic relationships—where love is promised but control is delivered—I realized how deeply confusing, isolating, and damaging this cycle can be. Survivors are often left questioning their own worth, their memory of events, and even their ability to trust themselves. I created this community to change that.

My mission is to shine a light on the truth: narcissists cannot love others in the way we hope for, because their love is self-directed. They treat people as objects that serve their needs, not as equal partners. Understanding this reality is the first step toward freedom and healing.

Here, I share insights, resources, and encouragement for anyone ready to step out of the shadows of manipulation and into a healthier, more authentic life. Recovery isn’t just possible—it’s powerful. And you don’t have to walk through it alone.

Resources for Survivors

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• Psychology Today Therapist Finder

• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (Melanie Tonia Evans)

• Books on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

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How I Released What I Held On To
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Freeing Yourself from ‘What Could Have Been’